NaPoMo 19: Inside Outside

the crimson pout is not me
and my soul denies the mascaraed lashes
while an imitation smile hides tears
within the pseudo echo of myself
a shadow with painted lips
that say the right words
and my spirit stays silent and broken

I hear you calling my name
but it can never be mine
you call me she but I am he
and the boy cries into the silence
while my eyes look for answers

alcohol, drugs, sex and self-hate
no answers came
no words of comfort in the endless night
as I hear him cry and feel his pain

Inside and outside in disarray
no balance of mind
as the tears washed away the painted shadows
of self like the rain in a storm
until nothing remains but him
inside, outside
the same

© JG Farmer 2017
Form: Free Verse