NaPoMo 19: Inside Outside

Outside
the crimson pout is not me
and my soul denies the mascaraed lashes
while an imitation smile hides tears
within the pseudo echo of myself
a shadow with painted lips
that say the right words
and my spirit stays silent and broken
inside

Inside
I hear you calling my name
but it can never be mine
you call me she but I am he
and the boy cries into the silence
while my eyes look for answers
outside

Outside
alcohol, drugs, sex and self-hate
no answers came
no words of comfort in the endless night
as I hear him cry and feel his pain
inside

Inside and outside in disarray
no balance of mind
as the tears washed away the painted shadows
of self like the rain in a storm
until nothing remains but him
inside, outside
the same

© JG Farmer 2017
Form: Free Verse

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