Prompt: If I could talk to my teenage self, the one thing I would say is…
It is easy to say I would tell myself to face the fear I had of being a freak for feeling like a boy in a girl’s body, but I know I didn’t have the strength about me at that time. As far as I knew as a teenager nothing could be done anyway. Making the best of things was the only way open to me. Thankfully times have changed dramatically, and we can encourage and support our kids to face their fears.
The fear of discovery haunted me for far too long. The fear of being a disappointment to my parents; the fear of not doing the right thing; the list of fears goes on. These fears were the bars of a prison cell on my existence and the only thing feeding that was my own thoughts. Perhaps then I should tell my teenage self to not let the fears rule and live life to the max.
I never let anyone too close as I didn’t want to get sussed. Seriously I have learned people only see what they want to see so that is bloody pointless anyway. A lover doesn’t care if you are breaking down inside as that rocks their happy bubble. As longs as that happy bubble is how they want it they don’t need to see and are blind. Burst that bubble and one is left out in the cold faster than a lightening flash. My advice to my teen self on this is to build your own bubble, trust with caution and don’t rely on anyone else to hold you up. I wish I had known that as a teenager for sure.
© JG Farmer 2018
Form: Free Write