It

Form: Free Verse

One winter’s day
they looked at me
and said
‘congratulations, it’s a girl’ and
so began the heartache
and shame of ‘it’s not a girl’
the freaky awareness of ‘it’
somewhere in-between
wanting to change
and making do
a phase I was supposed
to just pass through
and come out the other side
with feelings I couldn’t explain
make do with what you have got
and it will be okay
but it was never okay
those feelings remained
and ‘it’ spilled ink on the empty page
expressions of self
as the lines and words blurred
in the pool of my tears
and splashes of blood
a never-ending cycle of ‘it’
shame
pain
fear
write
cry
bleed
exist
and back to shame again

STOP
my choice was mine to make
and ‘it’ must be free
the cycle must end
so he can know pride
instead of shame
‘congratulations, it’s a boy’

© JG Farmer 2019

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