The following day Si was sat in his plush leopard-print office, beneath what he called his penthouse flat which in fact was the two storeys above his photographic shop, watching re-runs of ‘The Dogs of Chaos’ on the floor to ceiling pencil thin plasma tv. Now, whether Si found it entertaining to see his arch-rival Larry Labrador in such a blow-up size is debateable and highly questionable but that is the price of progress, is it not?
Si flicked the ash of a thick oak-leaf cigar into the silver-plate ashtray held by the pretty Siamese kittycat who was knelt to the right of him. The telephone jingled loudly on the desk. ‘Get that will you, Zuzu’ he purred demandingly.
‘Get what, Si?’ said the kittycat, raising a pencilled eyebrow.
Si scowled at her, unwilling to admit she was more frustrating to him than pleasing. Why couldn’t she just do what she was told for once.
Seemingly from nowhere Rigby Racoon picked up the phone from it’s dazzling diamante cradle and handed it to Si, ‘There you go, boss,’ he said with malevolent look at Zuzu.
‘The little creep,’ thought Si ‘how long has he been hiding in here – watching my TV.’
‘And good morning to you Chief Commissioner’ said Si into the phone. ‘Oh, yes certainly, I will send my man Rigby round to you this afternoon with a donation for the Police Retirement Fund. No, no not at all it’s a pleasure and such a worthy cause. By the way, Old Fox is appearing on my patch with a shameless tart, I think you should keep an eye on them. They hang out at Bel’s… yeah, you know that tacky frock shop up the High Street. Goodbye and give my best to your daughter’
He put the phone down and glared at Rigby.
‘Rigby, you need a shower, you filthy cur. You lower the tone of the place, you really do. Go get me a couple of pizzas from Frankie’s – with bacon, chicken, meatballs and triple cheese. Oh you best get a cheese and tomato one with catnip on it too. While you are out nip into Bel’s and get Zuzu here a nice negligee, something nice and sexy. Don’t get a stress on about that Old Fox I have taken care of that business for you.’
‘Ugh,’ said Zuzu with a hiss, ‘I hate that miserable Old Fox. I always feel he’s looking right past me when I see him.’
‘Well he is blind as well as stupid,’ he said, ‘a sexy cat like you shouldn’t be ignored.’
‘Damn, I have missed the end of The Dogs now – what happened, did Mickey shoot Larry or not?’ said Si. ‘Switchover will you, I’m not watching that bilge Tucker’s Island.’
Zuzu lent forward to get the remote control and as she did so Si slapped her cute furry cream butt ‘now that’s how it should be, kittycat.’
Scrappy Si thought he knew it all. What he and his crony the Police Commissioner (who, by the way, is currently under investigation) didn’t know was that sexy and subservient Zuzu was an undercover cat… but that is for another time.
©JG Farmer 2019