Just Too Old

For the last 18 months life, if one can call it such, has been laying in shatters around me, just scraping by in an existence where living is what other people do. Frankly, my life was a mess. A broken marriage, a pokey bedsit I call home, and redundancy, you get the picture, yeah?

My evenings were spent with a microwave dinner for one and the TV blaring in the corner. But not tonight. Tonight, I am gonna clean up the mess and look at starting again. I know a guy in his 30s is too old to start again but I’m done with living like this, feeling sorry for myself and existing.

I’m not useless, I’m not stupid. There is much to be done so I can transition from exiting to living, and no it won’t happen in a wave of a magic wand overnight. I had Googled how to start over so many times and always the advice was the same make changes that are doable and life will change with you.

So tonight, I am cooking dinner without a microwave. Nothing special like, just chicken with mashed potatoes and some veggies. On a plate and not out of a plastic carton. As the smell of chicken cooking filled my room, I could feel myself salivating. You don’t get that with a microwave dinner, right?

I didn’t put the TV on, and I didn’t miss it. Instead I allowed myself the luxury of eating and tasting my food. Yes, it had taste, not the bland sameness of a dinner for one. Afterwards, I washed up and felt a sense of achievement. Sitting on the couch I stared at the buff envelope, was I being a fool? Building up to nothing most likely.

Slowly, my fingers pealed back the seal, sure it was another job saying thanks but no thanks. I unfolded the white paper and read. ‘Thank you for attending the interview. We would like to offer you the position of…’

Maybe Google was right.


7 thoughts on “Just Too Old

  1. Is this true Jez? I really hope it is because it’s the best thing I have read all day,week hell no last couple of months. I am having a bad time too for totally different reasons. This post has lifted me right up! GOOD LUCK, Make your own…. So pleased for you 💜


    1. Yes and no, there is a nugget of truth in there. It’s a matter of belief,and self-confidence, in that respect it is true, I have found the confidence to do things that are right for me, including work. Sadly, Google didn’t help much.

      I hope things get better for you soon, if you need to chat hit the contact button.


          1. 💜. Mother in law died of Covid 19 it attacked her brain but she did make 100yrs. I have been in and out of hospital since early June, I am sporting a cholecystectomy drain and bag. Hubby is having a hard time fulfilling exectuter duties while his brother and sister harass , obstruct and threaten him. Apart from that all is fine 😳 I wanted you to have good news and in a way you have 💜


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