My mind was haunted. So hideous evil, dark, and cruel the word monster is insufficient...
Answering the same old questions and I watch him ticking the same old boxes another shrink scanning my mind...
I did not mourn her passing nor was she buried in the rose garden delicate pink, white, red falling to the ground...
I don’t want to celebrate that day it’s not my birthday it’s not my anniversary...
Defined by colours pink for a girl blue for a boy...
Do you think it’s been easy - to face the reality the pain...
‘Speak out’ you say and ‘say how you feel’ but we both know my voice will be silenced...
I felt alone and broken a shattered soul of the night...
I wake up as you call my name but my name remains unknown a secret I don’t want to share, yet
The mirror reflects and I make that comparison between me and him
Looking back it seemed so obvious that my life was hidden in lies not the little white lies that told her
The mannequin dressed in what they want to see and dances to the music chosen before birth
In ink he drew the map a pathway of blue lines on my skin the pathway to you and me
Should I be sad when thinking of all those years not knowing who I am...
Another sign went unseen a missed chance to say
Form: Free Verse I caught a glance in the shop window my eyes saw her and reeled away in disgust
Form: Free Verse Once more Lilith has turned me away my time for death is at her command not mine
Form: Free Verse Stepping back from the bright lights of city life releasing the chains of denial
Form: Free Verse Those nights I longed for the pain yearned for it desired it
Form: Free Verse The choice that isn’t a choice but an unchosen decision to shed the self-imposed shell
Dedicated with love to my best friend, the best friend a guy can have Love you, Nella xx Form: Free Verse Sat on those old lockers where we used to chat before we grew up
Form: Free Verse One winter’s day they looked at me and said
Form: Free Verse I can’t take the power it is not mine to take yet it is my desire to possess it when you choose to give it
Form: Free Verse The questioning eyes as red lips ask ‘are you sure?’
Form: Free Verse A simple kiss and words can no longer find my lips
Form: Free Verse I don’t care anymore I don’t care what they say
Form: Free Verse Circle of silver what do you mean
Form: Free Verse Within her embrace my hands hold her close
Waking up from the wonder beyond dreams and I step out into the beautiful world the burn of sunshine on my shoulder and like the vagrant cloud crossing the blue sky I seek the gathering of the storm craving the touch of rain on my shoulder to cool the heat on my skin releasing the … Continue reading Within the Storm
The virtues of patience are wearing thin when the hands of time stand still after years of waiting so long in anticipation and yet now that I know the time is near I feel it is out of reach that patience running so thin it’s almost out with the mockery of time all doubts have … Continue reading The Waiting
Within pleasure the essence of pain stirs an awakening the knowing love will hurt too much but I want you so, I endure the pain as it plunders my senses until I want so much and I can’t instead my thoughts drift to a different dimension an out of body transition so, I can fulfil … Continue reading Atrophy
You tell me you understand but do you do you really? Do you know what it’s like to be stared at by eyes wondering ‘is that a boy or a girl?’ That!!! I am not a that I am me a person with feelings feelings that burn when they dehumanize me with that you think … Continue reading Do You Really?
I want to savour the moment the moment of divine delicious deviant decadence when I know you are mine I want to caress your curves slowly just taking my time tormenting your senses with promises waiting to come and I can watch you taking the tease torn between pleasure and pain I want to kiss … Continue reading Rainbow Kisses
Looking into his eyes all I saw was the temptation tormenting me with the impossibility his eyes beckoning me to let go to surrender beneath the beautiful skies at the edge of worlds the worlds of men and of women joined closer than lovers yet so far apart and he still held my heart as … Continue reading A Work in Progress
As the setting sun charged the air the river cast its spell on me scarlet glimpses of reflections rolling past me sat on the grassy bank my eyes focussed on the tip of the carbon rod resting silently on its stand the stillness of time absorbing my mind my thoughts like the water drifting with … Continue reading Fishing in Twilight
That deep part of me I share with you and only you a gift given by choice but not for free for it demands the highest love from you and from me given in honour to be held in trust for it is the soul that lives within me and grows stronger each day nurtured … Continue reading Dominance
I sought the moment in her eyes while denying the turmoil inside my mind my voice coaxing her forward daring her to reach oblivion all for the precious freedom locked in the glowing aftermath of sex embraced in serenity and carnal destruction yet still my soul felt alone isolated from desire rejected by love with … Continue reading Passing Ship
It will get better this darkness will fade and the inner light will shine through but it takes so long with hopes dashing rebuilding and dashing again my mind shattered by torment empty reflections tormented thoughts of what will be but when, tell me when yet reflections show change happens wiry whiskers replacing gloss no … Continue reading Small Steps
The kiss like a smile in the breeze so gentle her kiss that is mine so, enticing stealing my breath the simple act of lips touching compounds the complexity of desire the incandescent embrace of love and we are lost in the moment until I whisper ‘leave me alone now’ https://youtu.be/U9cLZsOtCe8 © JG Farmer 2018 … Continue reading A to the Grey
I feel her touch in the paradox of passion her love my completeness yet still I am broken desire and fear combine and I close my mind to drown in the molten silver of fantasy and illusion in the wild wilderness where I am free to be escaping the hate the self-loathing that is my … Continue reading Ambiguity
Be happy for me, love, my turn has come to dance with the souls of the dead grieve and weep if you must but please hold a little happiness in your heart as I embrace the eternal rhythm and know I won’t tango until we live again © JG Farmer 2017 Form: Free Verse
Discretion and denial hiding self within her flesh losing unanswered wondering within the embraces of passion I wanted it to be enough like a final solution to inner pain of gender confusion - forgive me for burying my truth within words the words of intimate love the linguistic torment and cries of pleasure without resolution … Continue reading Confusion
Every man has a hero the rock beneath their feet and you are mine my foundation and strength throughout my younger days as my eyes watched, my mind taking notes for the time would come to remember in the uncertainty and chaos each memory my bricks of construction for a new beginning while cocooned in … Continue reading Apotheosis
Once more ice dances amid the flames its coldness the only retreat from the burning passion that sears desire in confusion heart and mind out of line as fiery heat melt a heart of ice and the passion dies © JG Farmer 2017 Form: Free Verse
My senses are aware of everything. The coolness of the air from the open window, the involuntary shiver on your lip as we kiss and I see that erotic glimmer in your eyes before your lashes close. That glimmer that drives me to the brink of sanity night after night as it pulls my desire … Continue reading Abandonment
Realms of fantasy lay hidden in the depths of imagination while the turbulence of reality buries them deeper the writer must dig them out word by word never in order but a jumbled mass of verbal imaginings tangled by life like wool that met the playful kitten and the mess must be sorted each word … Continue reading In the Beginning
She is the flame that dances on my skin A searing torment igniting my lust As kissing silences, the words within Her desire draws out my instinctive need Acquiesced want given to her in trust Her fiery heat to which I must concede My love she’s taking me beyond my fear In a rush of … Continue reading Wild Surrender
Click! Nothing but empty darkness and an overactive mind for company. In the distance a clock ticks idly passing time. The only sound in an empty house and the mind grasps it increasing the volume until each tick is a cannon shot. ˜Relax” they said then gave me a few pills to send me to … Continue reading Turn Off the Light
As I dream of my death I see beauty on the other side of this nothing the meaningless nothing that is living and as I dream I hear sweet music calling me to feel the rhythm the rhythm of dance that was mine and I taste the bittersweet of love that was mine and is … Continue reading Dreaming
As she brings me to my knees glistening sparks of silver capture my eye she sharpens her blade the sacrifice has begun her desire must be met and I have nothing left but my life my Queen of darkness demands the ultimate gift with the first cut of her knife my body burns my blood … Continue reading Angel